Creative Conflicts - Latest Comments

Re: Abusive Behavior First Red Flag? Hear Him Yelling at You!

Nora Femenia — Sat, 14 Apr 2012 20:03:05 -0000

Thanks Holly,
your comment is a real pleasure...it's sometimes difficult to do battle against all the illusions we can have (and false hopes) about a situation. I'm the first to try to rescue the positive, but definitively, if there is unchallenged abuse, it grows and grows...I'd invite schools to have this training when kids are 6 years old: "how to answer when other is abusing you..."
As you said, it's not only the knowledge that is best to answer back, but the permission to do so immediately, so abuse doesn't escalate on us.
I appreciate a lot your following my work here! thanks again,

Re: Abusive Behavior First Red Flag? Hear Him Yelling at You!

Guest — Sat, 14 Apr 2012 19:49:39 -0000

This is by far one of the BEST articles I have seen you write---and tthe one [ for me] that has finally allowed me [or given me permission] to finally say and feel that " I MADE THE RIGHT DECISION TO ASK HIM TO LEAVE [1.5 year ago] . It did NOT ever get better--- it got physically abusive as well in the end, too. Sigh.

Re: Emotional Abuse in your Marriage?

Bob — Wed, 28 Mar 2012 02:01:07 -0000

Women can abuse men emotionally too. Your one sided article is not enlightened or even handed. Please stop perpetuating stereotypes and generalizations.

Re: Emotions, the Hidden Engine of our Decisions!

Louise Malbon-Reddix — Tue, 20 Mar 2012 10:03:17 -0000

Congratulations on your book I so agree with you and how we dont realize the effects that our emotions have on our decision making! Keep up the great work, as I look forward to reading your next work.

Re: Emotions, anger and passive aggression

shivakumar — Wed, 14 Mar 2012 11:16:07 -0000

what is active emotion and passive emotion....?????

Re: What Child Abuse Does to The Brain

Stroke Of Luck — Sat, 03 Mar 2012 09:14:01 -0000

A fiction on Child Abuse
http://camouflagedwhispers.wor...

Re: TIP 1 to Manage Passive Aggressive People

Admin — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 06:12:03 -0000

Emotional health is vital..!! Thanks for your tips!!

Re: Are You Being Hurt by Snide Remarks?

Greg Connolly — Sun, 12 Jun 2011 03:21:25 -0000

Sane
Wise
Helpful
Thx

Re: Are You Being Hurt by Snide Remarks?

george — Tue, 24 May 2011 15:30:57 -0000

Assholes. They ruin it for the good people

Re: Wounded Children Nation

April1440 — Sat, 14 May 2011 23:15:58 -0000

You
refer to a "Whole deck of healthy possibilities" that individuals
could be dealt in good environments. Good analogy. Still, we will
encounter many who weren't dealt a whole deck and quoting another blogger
"the issue is what will I do with a person
who is not playing with a whole social deck and is left to playing cards that
will contribute to his exclusion and ostracism; a fact that s/he is
oblivious to."*

Reading back through that article I revisited the phrase "from an abusive
home"
and added a note: Or any number of conditions that hinder ability to
obtain and use “a full deck. That list would include chemical imbalances, due to yet
another list of conditions.

I've heard it said, "When we are ill, people send
flowers; when we have mental illness, people throw bricks."

It's so easy to think "if s/he just tried a little
harder..." I do it to myself now and again about my Parkinson’s Disease; there's a
part of me that somehow keeps thinking that if I can figure out exactly
when to take my meds and exactly when NOT to take a bite of... whatever;
somehow it will be like I don't have PD anymore. I have some control
over some aspects of it but not others and it certainly does no good to berate
myself about it, nor would it help if others added negative input.

I have had and continue to have close friends and contacts that have mental
issues for "all of the above" reasons and it sometimes still seems
that logic will fix them, but their chemistry doesn't yield to
logic. I will always remember a boy named B. who was in one of my classes,
cowering under a blanket in our lead teacher’s office on his first day back to
school after summer break. He had been an odd duck before at 16 and 17,
but now at 18 couldn't cope. He and I had had a lot of fun the previous
years, gathering all the paper punch confetti and saving it for festive
occasions, but now schizophrenia ruled. Neither we nor his parents could fix
him. I know how anguished his mom was when she had to put him out of their home
into other care; younger children were being damaged by his behavior and his
parents couldn't give them what they needed while he was getting so much of
their time and energy. He came back to visit school a few times but it
didn't get much better. I still collect confetti from my paper punch and
think of him.

*http://disabledchristianity.bl...

Re: How to Reinforce Love, Day In and Day Out

Nora — Mon, 02 May 2011 13:59:00 -0000

Hi Mural-gurl,
first, many thanks for writing...here we love comments, compliments and dialogue!
I happen to have some ideas for your "struggle" if you care to ask. Along the stories I have been involved with, I have learned how to move some stories like the one "resigned roommate" that you complain about.
Just go here and fill the form:
http://conflictcoach.me/servic...

Re: How to Reinforce Love, Day In and Day Out

Mural-gurl — Mon, 02 May 2011 13:06:49 -0000

Thanks, Neil, for a productive post on how to grow a happy relationship. So much of the information on this subject emphasizes managing bad behavior and that is just depressing. So many women end up feeling that the only way to be happy is to leave. I hope there will be more articles in this vein.

My husband is an admitted PA who has been working on understanding the roots of his behavior and making conscious decisions about the direction of his life. I have done much work on my rescuer pattern, however we both need to reinforce the path to a healthy and happy coexistence.

Our current struggle revolves around rekindling some passion and desire in what was a dead marriage. We are trying to break the "resigned roommate" pattern. This is extremely difficult when the PA male needs to feel safe and has difficulty taking any kind of risk. Knowing that his passive behavior is a complete turn off seems to make him even more passive. A vicious cycle that no one seems to be addressing.

Re: Emotional Abuse Roots? ->Male Depression

HJG — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 18:37:33 -0000

This article ends with this quote:
"At least, we know now that the most loving attitude she can
display towards him will not cure his lack of self-esteem….
so, staying with him is totally useless."

IS THERE MORE A WIFE IN THIS POSITION CAN READ?
Is there a continuation of this important teaching?

Thanks~

Re: Destroying love, one bit at the time

Nora Femenia — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 16:03:19 -0000

You are right! this is very important...takes you for an idiot, unable to distinguish between a fabrication and the truth! Thanks

Re: Destroying love, one bit at the time

Btoth31 — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 15:55:20 -0000

You forgot the most important one. Destroying trust with lie upon lie

Re: How to make your dreams a reality

Jean W Floyd — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 10:37:43 -0000

Neil, I find your writing very empowering. Everything I have read thus far points me back to myself, whether it is to discover the source of a problem or to discover the ability to fulfill a dream. My life is of my own making, for good or for bad.

Re: Appreciate More, Criticize Less

Stephanie Phillips — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 17:23:11 -0000

Well, I put into practice Tip Number 5 for 2 days, and much to my pleasant surprise, it worked like clockwork!!! Oh what power attitude wields.

Also, I noticed that if I succumbed to any negative mood or attitude, even for but a moment, there were immediate ramifications in terms of the breakdown of connection between myself and my partner.

Great information you have here!

Re: Love, Chocolate, and Dangerous Things

Thomas Chisholm — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 17:14:21 -0000

I wish I would have read this before Valentine's Day this year, but there's no reason I can't experiment with some of your ideas, to get the fire going again in my marriage.

Affairs are very tempting things, but I would much rather rekindle the flames of love and have an affair with my wife, who happens to be my best friend and my heart's queen!

Re: Help! I Feel So Frustrated with my Life!

Jason Waters — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 09:44:32 -0000

You are right on target with your information! I am one of those who grew up in a "scarcity" environment, and it has been an uphill climb to cultivating a positive mindset. I am here to say that it is doable and it is something I work on everyday, not as a chore but as an opportunity. I never really thought through exactly how I have been doing it, but as I read the steps you have outlined in your process, I see that these are the things I do.

I'm glad I found your site. It empowers me that much more to keep on doing what I am doing, cause it works!!!

Re: Appreciate More, Criticize Less

Stephanie Phillips — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 17:02:17 -0000

"What we focus on takes center stage." How true and yet how easy to forget.

I read your post several times to make sure I grasped what was being said. How profoundly simple and profoundly powerful your message is. Actually putting into practice your above given tips can really shape a relationship, if not a whole life.

My partner gets home in an hour, or so, and I am going to consciously practice tip 5: "Be very creative and find unexpected aspects to praise". We shall see how the outcome turns out. I don't expect anything less than wonderful. I shall report back!!